Confucius Applegate part I

1.

2. I.

3. I am.

4. I am. I have...I do.

5. Thought creates.

6. No act is evil or good, per se. One can safely and freely perform any act one desires if one is willing to fully accept the consequences of that act.

7. If one is not willing to accept all facets and possibilities of the consequences of their intended action, then the act is foolish and true pain can be looked forward to.

8. Thought, through the tool of love and acceptance, transcends all forms of pain and suffering.

9. The idea that one can die or cease to exist is a lie. Beingness cannot be destroyed. Havingness can be destroyed. Beingness is not havingness. One can have a possession. Possessions can be destroyed. One can have a body. A body can be destroyed. One can have a name. A name can be destroyed. If one sees the soul as something one can have, then even the soul can be destroyed as well. Anything that can be had, can be not had. "Who" one is (beingness) cannot be possessed therefore cannot be had thus cannot be unhad. We "are" forever because our beingness cannot be had.

10. Beingness is infinite as am I and as are you.

11. We have always and will always be forever right now.

12. To know something is to put a circle around it. In other words, to fully know it is to have it--have it in a circle. A circle cannot be put around infinity because it could always extend itself beyond any limit--after all, it is limitless, it is infinity. Thus, infinity cannot be had and therefore cannot be known.

13. To know infinity is a necessary and natural impossibility. By not ever being obtainable, infinity assures us of never being able to run out of things to do. It assures us a forever "becomingness"--a forever evolvingness.

14. Though impossible to ever know infinity, contemplating the idea of it can set one free from any and all suffering and torment of any degree or type because no matter how severe one's pain is, it is trivial when posed up against the infinite. Infinity is also the greatest humbler of the arrogant and egotistical, being that any and all superior and powerful or great acts of quantity would also be trivial when posed up against infinity. Infinity is the great equalizer.

15. When most humans think of infinity or foreverness, they associate it with an expanding distance such as when looking out over the ocean's horizon or gazing up at a cluster of stars in outer space. But infinity is limitless and therefore is not limited to an outward eternity only. It goes in and comes from all directions. Infinitely small. Infinitely big. Infinitely in. Infinitely out. Infinitely sideways. It is also not limited to directions.

16a. While contemplating the idea of infinity, I had a cognition that existence is rationally impossible. Infinity extends back into the past and also into the future. Existence could not have had an ultimate beginning because if there was then what was before that beginning? It's like saying the universe has an end. It's impossible. What would be there? A wall? What would be beyond the wall? More space? Whether it be a wall, planets, galaxies, or an empty void of space it would still be infinite!

16b. This brings me to a concept, that, try as I may, I will never be able to grasp and to settle my mind, my only option I am left with is to accept it on faith because there is no evidence nor can there ever be any evidence, at least logically. This concept being that if all this shit is here such as the oceans, the planets, the mountains, people, animals, etc., then how can it or anything have come into existence without a first origin. I can explain from whom I was born. Though the human race is still clueless about the evolution of of life, I can understand the explanation or something similar to the idea that life evolves from simple organic structures to more complex structures. I can even grasp the very first most simple single cell which in itself creates other cells...but how did this very first cell become created when nothing existed to create it. To make a geometrical comparison, I can grasp the reality of things and form and shapes of any size or sort. I can understand that a triangle is made of three lines, each line being composed of two points, the very beginning being one single point. What created the first point is and will forever be a mystery to the logical and reasoning mind. Zero to one is the mystery.

17. The only beings in the universe who are truly stronger than me are the ones who can love more than me.

18. When you are buried alive with 1000 poisonous spiders with zero percent chance of escape, your money will not get you through, your greed will not get you through, your connections will not get you through, your rank or position of power will not get you through, your anger, your arrogance, even your praying and your religion will not get you through. Only love and the acceptance of this or any dire situation, only total unconditional acceptance that you are fucked, will get you through the situation.

19. Only love kills the Demon.

20. Crack-cocaine induces a belief in its user that, pleasure=paranoia, that pleasure=guilt, that pleasure=pain. This is a contradiction and a harmful lie. Judgment is the only evil in doing this drug. If one could do the drug without judgment, then the drug can be done without negative consequences. The irony of this is that one powerful enough to not judge would not choose to do the drug therefore I have never witnessed someone smoking crack without the above association of "pleasure equaling pain" being established.

21. If you can accept your demise you can accept anything.

22. Boredom....and oh, yes--shit-eating are the only absolute sins.

23. Comfort is the enemy of art.

24. Happiness for me is imagining the human race down on it's knees begging mother nature for mercy and never getting it...I'd be the only one on my knees smiling--just another fantasy of the manic/narcissistic region of my brain that despises humanity.

25. The fact that I'm numbering my thoughts has no orderly significance.

26. One who assimilates one's fear is one who sees the universe as an incredible and beautiful design in all of its aspects.

27. Meanness, terribleness, murder, over-obsession, feeling the need to have power over...these are all emotions and actions stemmed from the cowardice of individuals not taking responsibility for their own inner beliefs that are focused on the darkness and the corruption that they feel run the show, ideas and feelings that have impressed them and that they hate...that they have. This corruption is projected and manifested in the confused individual's physical life, projected by the individual, so the individual can kill it, can destroy it, can get rid of it, though the corruption will persist if the person only confronts its projection. The corruption needs to be understood and transcended inwardly for it to be ultimately resolved. Then its reality projections into the physical world will cease.

28. As they say, "The enemy is within". This understanding and transcendence is fueled by the heroic powers of unconditional love and acceptance--not smoochy, kissy love but bravery...bravery at accepting the energy of your flaws, at accepting the fact that "its been you all along", bravery at confronting your fears, bravery at assimilating the evils that have been forced upon you and the evils you have forced upon others, the bravery and love it takes for you to stand up for your individuality which in turn will help you respect the realities and individualities of others, and most of all the bravery it takes to be happy in this unhappy mofo. This takes a lot of love and this is strong.

29. Love is not for the squeamish.

30. I am obsessed with ridding myself of all obsessions. Therefore I am still obsessed which makes me even more obsessive about ridding myself of obsession and on and on into a dwindling spiral of..........obsession.

31. Hating someone is accomplished much easier if you first make them a monster.

32. The brain is the outer counterpart and creation of the mind.

33. Getting to the other side of death requires undoubtable trust. Accepting death is the pinnacle of our challenge for we must accept it and trust that we will still exist beyond and passed its moment.

34. Death is the humans' ultimate loss of control but also the ultimate opportunity to let go of that control and in the process acquire the knowledge that our existence is limitless.

35. My previously formidable cock grows smaller as my belly grows larger. My belly grows larger because I drink much beer. I drink much beer because, upon writing this, I am staying in Milwaukee. Therefore, Milwaukee makes my cock smaller. I am leaving Milwaukee.

36. Nothing never happens.

37. I am as dead and alive now as I will ever be.

38. Dying, passing on, going into heaven or hell, moving into the afterlife...these are all fallacies. Where you are now is where you will always be...though your body may drop and the world around you may pass on.

39. We are not a reflection of the world. It is a reflection of us. We are not in the world. The world is in us. We project ourselves into our reflection and then, we walk through it and thus, through ourselves.

40. Zero is an infinite number.

41. Expectation is primary over need. If you need heaven but expect hell, you will find hell. Desire is the bridge between need and an opposing expectation, infiltrating and bending this expectation to conform to your will.

42. Though the only true tragedy in life is that it ends, the fact that it ends is what makes it undeniably and eternally precious.

43. One of the greatest illusions of our world is the permanancy of form.

44. The physical senses manifest and form the physical reality they seem to only perceive.

45. Physical bodies and the landscapes in which their games are played are artificial cages, existing only as subterfugic backgrounds and canvases where we can paint our specialized methods of expression.

46. When thought coagulates, matter is formed.

47. Guilt is an enemy of the soul and a blocker to taking responsibility and correcting what it was that we were feeling guilty about in the first place.

48. Our bodies are like symbols made of ink on a page of a novel. Our souls are the invisible meanings that these words convey.

49. I disagree with the buddhistic idea that we must control and inhibit our desires. This idea in and of its own was created from desire. As a matter of fact, you wouldn't be reading this and I wouldn't be writing it if it weren't for our daddys' desire to boink our moms. Fly with it I say. Fly with your desires and as properly stated by the doctor and guru of mythology Joseph Campbell, "Follow your fucking bliss" (I added the word "fucking").

50. Like most all humans, I've experienced a fair share of pain from the four famous angles-physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I've experienced broken ribs and a punctured lung; I've had my fingers, hands and my jaw broke; I've had literally hundreds if not a thousand mental breakdowns; I've experienced deep anguish, the paralyzing effects of guilt, suicidal despair and of course the heart-wrenching humiliating impalement of an unexpected bad break up; I've fallen into the abyss of apathy and the self-induced mind apocalypse resulting from continued use of bad drugs; I've lost my soul to various forms of voodoo, you could call it, and scraped and clawed to get it back on more than one occasion. With all this being said, I still have yet to experience anything more dreadfully painful than the idea that this grand party must someday.....end.

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